Ace is on three legs today. He came in with blood all over a hind leg, limping badly. When I hosed it off all I could find was a scratch across the inside of his hock and a much smaller one on the outside. But his hock is obviously very sore and he is lying down a lot of the time. If he is the same tomorrow then we will have to get the xray machine back out again and find out why he is so lame.
Jazz is not improved after a week of physio and I have taken advice from as many directions as I can get it. A senior vet at a major local teaching hospital has sent me a message via an internet friend that with 4 bone chips, a narrowed C3 vertebra and a clear step between C3 and C4 , that there is no hope of improvement; that he will deteriorate further and that for his sake and mine he should already have been put to sleep. He has also recommended that one bullet is kept in reserve for the vet who is advising me to try and keep him going to see what happens. That at least gave me a smile.
I am going to talk to my vet tomorrow morning, but I have already booked the hunt to shoot him on Tuesday at 1pm. I can cancel that if anyone gives me any hope meanwhile, but I don't think that cancellation is going to happen. There is no hope that I can find that Jazz will ever be able to feel his hind legs properly, and I am not prepared to keep him alive in that state. He would not want to live like that, even if it was feasible.
I hope to post better news about Ace tomorrow but I am now sure that there will be no better news about Jazz. I am feeling very sorry for myself, I have to admit. I have to get through tomorrow somehow with the help of some good friends locally. It will be much easier when Tuesday is over.
C.
My heart is breaking for you. I it nearly impossible to find the right thing to say or do from so far away. Wish I could be there just to sit for a while and talk of happier days with your boys. It's the memories of the good things that sustain us at times like this.
ReplyDeleteJazz, was, I think, fated to be with you all along. With all the issues of behavior he showed, there are few people who would have stuck by his side and given him a life of comfort, success, and hope. You never gave up on him and even now, surrendering to the inevitable is not giving up, but rather simply "giving." It is, in essence, the final gift we can give our animals when life no longer holds all that comfort and hope.
Here's hoping Ace is much better in the morning. I've seen small cuts and scrapes cause major filling in a leg and that, in turn causes some pretty severe lameness. Even a little filling can hurt a lot--my knees are proof of that.
So, I am sending you love and support from afar, and if you need to "talk" more through all of this, let me know. We can always find a way to connect.
My prayers are with you.
I'm so sorry Caroline. What a shitty card you've been dealt. But you're brave and Jazz deserves a dignified end. There are no words that can make it better.
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine who trains racehorses has just lost her Cheltenham winner when he jumped out of his field and was hit by a tanker. I've just spent an hour on the phone to her trying to stop her blaming herself. Sometimes really bad things happen for no reason. You've done the best by Jazz and that is all you can do. Doesn't make it any easier though I know that.
As for Ace...I hope he improves pronto.
I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday.
Cassie.
Hi, I've seen some of your search for answers regarding Jazz and given what I've read from all contributors and the detail of the xray findings AND Jazz's personality I have to agree with your decision. Like Smartie, you have taken on the responsibility of horse ownership in good and bad times and dealt with both sides with clarity, dignity and above all with the horse's best interests in mind. I know the hunt do you proud in your darkest hour and I'll be thinking of you all.
ReplyDeleteAce? Tell him to sort it out, we can't have more problems right now - poor Radar will have to learn passage!!!
Sending you support, Tracey B
Caroline, this is such a terrible situation, and my heart breaks for you and Jazz. You have done so much with him, and it seems incredibly unfair that this has surfaced just when he was really coming into his own.
ReplyDeleteI have every confidence that you are making the right decision. That doesn't make it any easier.
I'll be thinking of you all on Tuesday. I hope Ace is much better this morning.
Turia
Caroline
ReplyDeleteI've been so busy I haven't had a chance to catch up with your blog until I saw that you'd been kicked off the nag and dog. I can't believe what I'm reading, its utterly devastating to read so god only knows how you must be feeling. I'm in tears for you and Jazz.
Jean has hit the nail on the head though - he has had a fantastic life with someone who understands him and even in the most difficult circumstances has always put him first.
I and no doubt many others will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Louise
Well, I can only agree with the others. Will be thinking of you.
DeleteHope Ace is better soon.
It is completely shite, there is no rhyme or reason and its very, very unfair. You've done the best you possibly could in a hopeless situation and have balanced that very difficult set of duties, to do the best for the horse while not giving up on him before you've explored every avenue.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow will be ghastly but there is no other reasonable option and as always when it comes to putting an animal down, better a day too early than a day too late.
Jazz has not just had a good last week, he has had the most fantastic life and if he hadn't been with you I dread to think how he would have fared. He realised his potential more fully with you than he could have done anywhere else, and you've given each other an enormous number of great times to remember. Nobody could have done more for him.
Godspeed Jazz.
Thanks everyone. I spoke to my vet this morning and he said that there is no hope, and that if Jazz was his he would put him down. It will be a difficult night tonight but it will all be over tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteAce is putting weight on his leg and walking much better and not lying down like he was, so I think that's just a very nasty bruise. I think I would crack up if it was anything worse right now :-(
C.
And who wouldn't feel sorry for themselves in such a situation. A month ago you had no idea this was happening and now you must deal with putting him down. You will get through this, time will pass and eventually you will feel better. May that time pass quickly.
ReplyDeleteAce has an infection. Fingers crossed everyone that it is just cellulitis and not infection in the hock joint.
ReplyDeleteJazz is home and so happy to be here. A lovely sunny morning for him to enjoy, and then everything will be over. He is more unstable than he was a week ago, the timing is good for this to happen. I have no doubts about it being the right thing to do.
C.
Hugs
ReplyDeleteThinking of you all day.
ReplyDeleteSending love and support to you all day today. x
ReplyDeleteOnly just caught up with all this Caroline as I'm going through such awfulness myself. I'm very, very sorry to hear about Jazz though.
ReplyDeleteLiz
So sorry to hear that you are having problem Liz. I hope they will resolve themselves soon.
ReplyDeleteC